I've spent a lot of time thinking about several ideas. Constantly revising, expanding, trimming, adjusting them. To what end? I don't know exactly. Probably to make better sense of my life.
For example, the situation of unbalanced feelings one person has for another. Mainly I look at myself and how I change. I then try to see if anyone else experiences something similar. That is, I wonder how universal I am.
I started out with women loving them less than I was loved by them. I often imagined that I loved them, but it was a raw, immature love that shouldn't even be called by that name. It was generally passionate desire. More selfish than not.
But as I've gotten older I now understand the pattern better.
A youth is loved more than he loves, but a mature man loves more than he is loved in return. I believe this is the movement of human reality.
The longer I exist I move from passive to active behavior. From depending on others to others depending on me. From taking to giving, and from making demands on the world, to making demands on myself.