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I'm reading a book where the author keeps mentioning how he's afraid of dying.
"I just want to exist." He repeats. Especially when he visits the cemetery, or sees a vase filled with the ashes of a friend. It scares him. To no longer exist.
But, logically, rationally, isn't this a strange fear? A fear riddled with contradictions. If you no longer exist, how can you be frightened of anything whatever? You can't feel, think, or be, anything. Nothing. Pure and simple.
On the other hand, to exist in a state of suffering is something that could worry me. Or to exist in a never ending state of pain: this would be an unnerving idea. That could get under my skin. For sure.
To not exist isn't worth thinking about. But a suffering existence that doesn't stop - that's something that can cause some concern.
Am I getting to the bottom of the issue? I want to exist, for as long as I want, but in a reasonably pleasant state. Immortal? I don't know about that. But longer than my life during this lifetime.
I need to survive death. And then I want to survive my survival!