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Self control or controlled by others

I'm starting on a new painting, but it's not ready to be photographed.  And I  have no faith in a daily posting made only from words.  I tried that years ago, and although there were some readers, they eventually tired of checking in each morning.  But I still go to specific websites everyday without fail.  Not many: news, sports, art.  Pretty much like a daily newspaper of a small city.  Like the one where I was born.  It had local columnists.  Some people loved them, and devoured their words.  I didn't.  They struck me as dull and uncreative.  I never wanted to be a journalist.  A reporter.  God, so depressing.  Either be a genuine writer or do something else.  The same is true for painting.  I never wanted to illustrate anything.  That is, make a painting for some other reason than its innate attractiveness.  I guess you could call it art for art's sake.  I was under the spell of that slogan before I even heard of it.  I paint to make a beautiful painting.  Beautiful to me, and that's enough.  If no one except the painter finds it beautiful, that's all right.  That means success.  But if everyone - except for me - finds it beautiful, that's no good.  That's total failure as a painter. 


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